'Devil' Jokes

The Devil Visits Church
Its Sunday moring and church is packed.  The devil decides to pay a visit.

The doors burst open, black clouds roll in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming -- all except for two.  One is the Pastor, the other is an elderly farmer.

Satin is a bit perplexed.  He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me". 

Satin points to the farmer, "Why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?"

The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls, "Why I'm suprised you don't recognize me...I've been married to your sister for 36 years!"

Good Lawyer Goes to Heaven
A lawyer, who was actually a good one and made sure every case was a win-win situation, was tragically hit by a bus and died.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "We've never once had a lawyer made it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you".

"No problem, just let me in" said the lawyer.

Saint Peters replied, "Ok, this is what we're going to do.  You're going to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven.  And then you tell us what you prefer".

"I prefer to stay in Heaven" says the lawyer.

"Sorry, we have rules".  St. Peter puts the lawyer in an elevator and sends her down to Hell.

The doors open and the lawyer finds herself stepping out on the putting green of a beautiful golf course.  Out in the distance is a country club with all her lawyer friends, all dressed very nice and cheering for her.  They played an excellent round of golf.  Later she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.  She even met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy.  She had a great time telling jokes and dancing.

The lawyer was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.

The eleveator went back up to the Pearly Gates and St. Peter said "Now it's time to spend a day in Heaven".  The lawyer spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing.  She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up.

St. Peter says, "So, you've spend a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now you must choose your eternity".

The lawyer paused for a second and then said, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escortes her to the elevator and send her back down.  The doors open and she find herself standing in a desolate waste land covered in garbage and filth.  She saw her friend were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

She tells the Devil, "I don't understand, it was all so beautiful yesterday".  The Devil looked at her and smiled, "That's because yesterday you were a recruit, but today you're an associate".