Quotes from Dorothy Parker

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”

“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
(The Algonquin Wits)

“By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this --
One of you is lying.”
 
“Resume”
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses give,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.”
(Enough Rope)

“I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”

“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”

“In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.”

“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.”

“I hate writing, I love having written.”

“What fresh hell is this?”

“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”
(While Rome Burns)

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

“You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.”

“London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it.”

“Gertrude Stein did us the most harm when she said, 'You're all a lost generation.' That got around to certain people and we all said, 'Whee! We're lost.”

“LINSCOTT: Well, life certainly treats you fine.
CONNIE: No, Tom. Life and I go Dutch.”
(The Ladies of the Corridor)

“LINSCOTT: Well, I don't like it. Man works damn hard, leaves his wife all his money, and some pretty boy comes along and gets it. Sometimes I think those old East Indians had the right idea about widows. Cremate the husbands and burn up the wives along with them.
CONNIE: Maybe it would be simpler to burn up the money.”
(The Ladies of the Corridor)

“They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.”

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